The Jewish E L B O W
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who
is coming to visit with his wife.
"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment
301 . There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow,
push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is
on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3. When you get
out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons
with my elbow? .........
"What . . . .. .. You coming empty handed?"
Wise Italian Grandfather
Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down
through the family.
An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside,
Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome
plated ..38 revolver so you will always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns.. How about you leave me
your Rolex watch instead?"
"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you
gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a
couple of bambinos. "
"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed
with another man.
"Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'times up' "?
Irish blonde...
Am attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived
at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty
thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much
luckier when I'm
completely nude." with that, she stripped from the
neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on,
baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down
and squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the
dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered,
"I don't know - I thought you were watching."
MORAL OF THE STORY
Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb,
..... but all men...are men!
l Facts About Sex
At any given moment:
FACT: 79,000,000 people are having sex - right now.
FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing.
FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.
FACT: 1 old person is reading emails.
You hang in there, sunshine!
Christian Wisdom
Relish the ethic differences in our world.
Embrace them and do not be judgemental
God loves us all!
Shared by Corinne Mustafa
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who
is coming to visit with his wife.
"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment
301 . There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow,
push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is
on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3. When you get
out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons
with my elbow? .........
"What . . . .. .. You coming empty handed?"
Wise Italian Grandfather
Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down
through the family.
An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside,
Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome
plated ..38 revolver so you will always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns.. How about you leave me
your Rolex watch instead?"
"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you
gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a
couple of bambinos. "
"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed
with another man.
"Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'times up' "?
Irish blonde...
Am attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived
at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty
thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much
luckier when I'm
completely nude." with that, she stripped from the
neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on,
baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down
and squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the
dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered,
"I don't know - I thought you were watching."
MORAL OF THE STORY
Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb,
..... but all men...are men!
l Facts About Sex
At any given moment:
FACT: 79,000,000 people are having sex - right now.
FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing.
FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.
FACT: 1 old person is reading emails.
You hang in there, sunshine!
Christian Wisdom
Relish the ethic differences in our world.
Embrace them and do not be judgemental
God loves us all!
Shared by Corinne Mustafa
